i take the photos, and i make the picture (in that order)

In the event of a Tsunami (alert) (16 images and just some darned good advice)

Are you in an area not particularly susceptible to the wrath of Poseidon as an 8.7 earthquake strikes off the coast of a nearby nation? Thailand’s Ao Nang to Indonesia’s Sumatra perhaps? 

Then head straight to the beach so as to seek a more vulnerable area.The bay of Rai Lei will do for today’s example.

This bundle of wood will do nicely to ride the stormy seas. Very nicely indeed.

Feel free to stick your head out and enjoy the cool spray of the ocean as you bounce along the innocent waters. All the while thinking,” there’s no way this gentle blue beast would ever want to harm me.”

Now that you’re here, sit by the beach of the funnel shaped bay, order an obnoxiously fruity drink and wait.

Wait.

Keep waiting.

All calm and serene yet?

Good.

Now run!

Don’t forget your plush toys though. They will keep you safe and can be used to fight off  rivals as food supplies dwindle in the coming days.

Keep running. Screaming, pushing, trampling and a few tears are all acceptable as you prepare for a watery grave. Feel free to improvise and just do what feels right.

If you happen to be halfway up the face of a cliff at this time however; ignore these
instructions. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re good. Pointing and laughing at the panicked masses below is poor form but the temptation to do so will be formidable.

Everyone else, keep running! The ocean is coming in for a big hug any second now.

Find shelter on high ground, preferably with a steady supply of booze and band aids. A hilltop bar is preferred but not mandatory.

Now wait.

Wait some more. Size up those around you and mentally mark who is to be mated with, who is to be eaten, and who shall be your entertainment for when you inevitably become leader of this hill tribe.

Note – do not point and scream things like “You will have my brown babies!” or “You will go well with an orange glaze and a nice white wine!” It will be seen as poor hill tribe etiquette and affect the mood of your imminent coronation.

Keep waiting.

Don’t let the subdued mass hysteria and shared grief process stop you from tweeting. “@jimmyjam69 : OMG! totes gna be fishfood 2nite. LOLZ!”….and so on and so forth.

Keep waiting……..reflect on your life and maybe regret that the last thing you ate before your big swim would be sour cream n onion pringles.

And once news arrives that the wave isn’t coming your way and the sky is stricken with a glorious rainbow like some sort of cosmic “Smile, you’re on candid camera!”, feel free to drink all the Chang, Tiger, and Leo they have. Oh and see if they have any sour cream n onion pringles; those things were awesome.

This tutorial was based on the great Tsunami of 2012.

Never Forget! So many needlessly wet pant legs.

2 responses

  1. glad i know what to do now ;)

    hilarious piece, just great!

    April 29, 2012 at 22:26

    • If just one person is educated, i’ve done my part. Thanks for that Alessandro.

      April 30, 2012 at 09:19

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